Reflection

Wow. It has been a long journey since I last posted a blog. Life ha taken a 360 degree turn and I am right back at the beginning of when Allah Almighty breathed life into my soul. Alhamdulillah. The only difference is that this body is already in its 43rd year and feeling the aches and pains that go along with an aging body. But my mind, Alhamdulillah, it fluctuates between a sensitive girl of 14 and a vibrant lady of 28. I have much to thank for. I have two wonderful, sensitive, practical and healthy children. For this amazing feat, I have my co-parents to thank - my parents and siblings, and their spouses. Alhamdulillah, I am also at a good place at work - the lion with the golden heart is at a good place in his life, and work environment is peaceful and calm. After 8 years in this "den", it finally feels like an extension of home. So, that leaves just two other areas in my life that needs work. The ongoing work on this path to my final abode - Jannah - InshaAllah - and the "pair" promised by Allah to dwell with me there. And among His signs is this, that He has created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them; and He has put love and mercy between you. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect. (Qur’an 30:21) Wa zidnee nooran Ya Allah. Grant me Your Nur Ya Allah. Lift my veils ya Allah. Madad Ya Allah, Madad.

Finding My Way HOME

I read somewhere recently that our souls were created in Paradise and the only reason why we are sent to Earth is to FIND our path HOME to Paradise. That line touched me so much. It wouldnt have affected me, say, last year, for example. But now, also as I am reaching my 40th year on Earth, I would like to start to cut through all the vines and walk through all the debris to FIND my way Home. I only pray that The All-Loving Almighty bestows upon me the Time to also impart this great wisdom that I have discovered onto my children so that it would be clearer for them to see their path without much muck and to see them impart that same wisdom onto their children. InsyaAllah.

This is not about being religious. This is about having the wisdom to lift the veils so that I may see a little better, not with my eyes but with my heart.

The Heart vs The Mind

The past one week has been hard on my heart and mind.

A loved one, still young 'in body' and 'at heart and mind' has heart failure and is now warded at IJN ICU. His ejection fraction, the capacity at which his heart is pumping, is at an alarming 20% (a normal ejection fraction would be between 55% - 70%). Freaky yet is the realization that the lifestyle we both lead - and many others I know - is one and the same.

which brings me to think: How does our heart and mind cope with us? have we ever viewed our heart and mind as a separate entity? do we even know how our organs work? we use (and abuse) without ever stopping to think of its consequences.

I just realized this fact. (At least in my eyes, it is a fact....) No matter how beautiful our physical body is, it's just a fascade. No matter how much money or how our titles dictate our lives (and the people around us) - at the end of the day, it is what we feed our heart that matters. Our spirit and our soul are the gatekeepers to our heart. The mind remains an innocent bystander, even though active and intelligent, but still incapable of overruling the heart when it falters.

So, this comes to mind and is going to remain close 'to heart': instead of feeding our brain and/ or mind, we should watch what we feed our heart. Literally.

May The Almighty strengthen Z's heart and keep his mind young.

Connections

Went to a singles party tonight. Was there to cheer on a very good friend who needed to experience the world and its splendor once again. I hope she had fun tonight…..she connected with so many people tonight. All in the name of fun. No expectations. I felt so proud of her tonight. I am glad that she let her hair down after the misery she’s been in lately.

I had three connections of my own tonight.

1. My soulmate. The one who has found a way to calm my heart and whose existence sends me into gratitude – for everything I take for granted in this life. He is my conscience. My gift from The Almighty – to walk with me in this moment. He helps me lift the veils from my eyes so I can ‘see’ again. I ‘see’ you, habibi…

2. My crazy soulbrother. The one who opened the doors for me – to allow love to enter the courtyard and test the waters. The one who taught me to appreciate music again. The one who taught me to listen. The one who found the child in me and taught me how to laugh again. Te amo…

3. My sweet Pok. The one who taught me about true friendship. Harry told Sally that men and women can never be just platonic friends. This connection has proved Harry wrong. When am with him, in the past and present, I feel secure. Loved. Taken cared of. Loved. Loved. Loved. He oozes with love. He accepts. Always. Never judges. Kamek saying kitak…

The connections I have made, and am making, frame the person I am today. Thank you ALL for connecting with me. My twosenworth: never EVER take for granted the ones who made you WHOLE.

Alhamdulillah, I am connected.

I Am Gorjazz

Tonight, my heart weeped. For every child facing terror in the face. For every woman who has lost a son. For every Muslim facing persecution. For every human being fighting to be accepted. For every person that speaks – and acts – without knowledge. For every mother whose only knowledge is love. For every leader who sees injustice being done and yet does nothing. For every child who learns about hate through their parents. For everyone who sees race as a barrier to happiness. For every culture who thinks theirs is the most supreme. For our humanity. For our souls.

Tonight, my heart weeped. For every single human being who does not realize that the choices they make come with repercussions. For every single human being who does not realize they have the power over that choice. For every single human being who does not realize they can choose to not make that choice. For every single human being who does realize.
Tonight, my heart weeped. For me and for you. For us.

What started as an outing to watch ‘my knight-in-shining-armour’ clad in his button-down white shirt turned out to be a slap in my face. I vehemently did not want to read any write-up, review, comment – even synopsis! – about this movie. All that mattered was that Shahrukh Khan was in it and that was more than enough for me. I was not even interested in my usual orange twister and twisties combination. All I wanted to see was Shahrukh Khan. As I sat through the first feel-good hour of his latest box-office movie ‘I Am Khan’, I thought, “OK, this is weird - no singing and dancing scenes…amazing!”

However, I was not prepared for all the singing and dancing my tortured insides endured during the 2hour and 45minute movie. I was not prepared for Sam fighting against ignorance and having a 13-year old son myself, this was too much for me to bear. My heart ached a phsical pain. I literally felt a sharp dagger thrust into me and I was bleeding from the pain. I can only remember one other time when I had that kind of pain in the past decade of my life, and that was from a real-life experience. This was a blinking movie!

‘I Am Khan’ is life-changing for me.

Though some would be cynical about the apparent storyline, it is the salient meaning that I am referring to. The message that I took home. The message that is dissolving itself into my being as I pen these thoughts down. Not the fact that love is the ultimate ‘weapon’ or that knowledge is the key to acceptance - simple ‘take-homes’ that we can all relate to in this complicated world where we know, there has been a breakthrough in the understanding of our ‘differences’ - all brought about from the horrors of 9-11. These are all obvious messages.

What was life-changing for me to realize is that no matter how we dissect life according to socio-economic status, colour, creed, castes or even hair colour – there will always just be two kinds of people – good people and bad people. People who see the beauty in others. And people who destroy the beauty in others. And every single day of our lives, we have to consciously – or subconsciously – make this decision to be either one. Sometimes the choice needs to be made more than once in the course of our day. There, in between these moments, lies the secret to humanity. The power to choose.

A must-see movie for every single human being. Leave the twister and the twisties. Just bring in your heart and allow it to be filled.

Good or bad? THE CHOICE IS YOURS.

This is my twosenworth.